i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
