Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
