**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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