Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
