I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
