I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
