Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
