That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
