did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
