she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
