You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
