I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize