Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
