if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
