I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
