I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
