I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
