having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
