Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
