the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
