"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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