so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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