my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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