u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize