omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
