It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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