Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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