He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
