i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
