Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she peed on how many people?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
