I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
