I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
