I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
