i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
