Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
