Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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