I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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