This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
