I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize