You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
