anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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