$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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