I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
