Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We're too hungover to prance.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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