6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
