How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
