This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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