when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i now understand why vodka
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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