What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
