I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
