you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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