nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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