His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
