good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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