Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
