I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize