at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
