The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
