she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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