I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
there is glitter all over my balls
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