Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
