Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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