Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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