my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
