I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
