there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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