i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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