Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize