She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
